Funny Quotes

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We spend the first twelve months of our children`s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller

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High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

Christopher Morley

I`m a genius but nobody knows it but me.

Charles Bukowski

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I still have my feet on the ground, I just wear better shoes.

Oprah Winfrey

Faith is a wondrous thing; it is not only capable of moving mountains, but also of making you believe that a herring is a race horse.

Arthur Koestler

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You know that passage in the Bible that says, "And the meek shall inherit the Earth"? Always wondered if that was mistranslated. Perhaps it actually says, "And the geek shall inherit the Earth.".

Neil deGrasse Tyson

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn`t make it a leg.

Abraham Lincoln

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Three o`clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Jean-Paul Sartre

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I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Oscar Wilde

Mirrors should think longer before they reflect.

Jean Cocteau

Why is it when we talk to God, we`re praying, but when God talks to us, we`re schizophrenic?

Lily Tomlin

In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate.

Isaac Asimov

Some morning while you`re eating breakfast and you need something new to think about, though, you might want to ponder the fact that you see your kids across the table not as they are but as they once were, about three nanoseconds ago.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

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If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.

Voltaire

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

Frank McKinney Hubbard

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