Funny Quotes

Now that I`m a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot.

Earn money by taking surveys! International offer!

Out of everything I`ve lost, I miss my mind the most!

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn`t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

I`m a polyatheist - there are many gods I don`t believe in.

If by some bizarre chance there turns out to be a god (...), I`m willing to bet he`s an atheist too.

Worrying is stupid. It`s like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.

Earn money by taking surveys! International offer!

My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.

I am the author of my life. Unfortunately, I am writing in pen and can`t erase my mistakes.

Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.

To face a big opportunity is sometimes a lot like starring at the knees of a giraffe.

Surely, there are more beautiful women in the world. I can name 10.

There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.

I`ve kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.