Woody Allen

Woody Allen

American author, actor, director and producer
1 December 1935 —

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Woody Allen's books

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I`m not afraid of death; I just don`t want to be there when it happens.

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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

[He] hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.

Can we actually know the universe? My God, it`s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving.

To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

In my house I`m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God`s mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you`ve just made a down payment on a house.

When we lose twenty pounds [...] we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.

Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o`clock.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

My brain? That`s my second favorite organ.

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