Funny Quotes

I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?

Benjamin Disraeli

I lived with this computer for a couple of months, and then I recognized the god. It was Yahweh of the Old Testament: a lot of rules and no mercy!

Joseph Campbell

Quitting smoking is easy. I`ve done it a thousand times.

Mark Twain

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

Nora Ephron

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

Scott Adams

God [...] made men and women smart enough to land on the moon but stupid enough to have to learn there was no such thing as forever.

Stephen King

A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems.

Paul Erdős

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

Never say never.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

Oscar Levant

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised God doesn`t work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.

Emo Philips

I haven`t spoken to my wife in years. I didn`t want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield

My brain? That`s my second favorite organ.

Woody Allen