Funny Quotes

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My one regret in life is that I`m not someone else.

Woody Allen

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Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work.

Carl Sandburg

I`m fed up with democracy. In a democracy, people vote for the mayors. I wanted to build a city where I will choose the citizens.

Emir Kusturica

I`m naturally an extremely lazy person, so if someone did everything for me, I really think I would do nothing at all.

Keira Knightley

Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I`d rather lie around. No contest.

Eric Clapton

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we`ll ever find them?" He said, "I don`t know kid. There are so many places they can hide."

Rodney Dangerfield

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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Woody Allen

I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.

Edgar Allan Poe

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.

Honoré de Balzac

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Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

Benjamin Franklin

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When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.

Abraham Joshua Heschel

No one likes change but babies in diapers.

Barbara Johnson

All marriages are happy. It`s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.

Raymond Hull

I don`t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

Sam Kinison

If you think you`re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito.

Anita Roddick

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