Funny Quotes

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Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

Victor Borge

2

Let`s be naughty and save Santa the trip.

Gary Allan

0

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs look up to men, cats look down on them, but pigs just treat us as equals.

Winston Churchill

Accept that some days you`re the pigeon, and some days you`re the statue.

Scott Adams

The world only goes round by misunderstanding.

Charles Baudelaire

1

Alcohol may be man`s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

Frank Sinatra

5

When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.

Mark Twain

0

Man was made at the end of the week`s work, when God was tired.

Mark Twain

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield

0

I`ll be truthful. The weekly paycheck is the most important thing to me.

Béla Lugosi

When you look like your passport photo, it`s time to go home.

Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Erma Bombeck

1

Marriage has no guarantees. If that`s what you`re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Erma Bombeck

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