Funny Quotes

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The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.

George Will

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

Mark Twain

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Doug Larson

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.

William Somerset Maugham

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

Fred Allen

Just because you`re paranoid
Don`t mean they`re not after you.

Kurt Cobain

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Gilbert S. Perreira

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

Daniele Vare

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Time is nature`s way of keeping everything from happening at once. Space is what prevents everything from happening to me.

John Archibald Wheeler

If voting made a difference, they would make it illegal.

Donal Scannell

The three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

Jim Guthrie

Millions long for immortality who don`t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Susan Ertz

True friends stab you in the front.

Oscar Wilde

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Agatha Christie

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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield

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