Funny Quotes

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Gilbert S. Perreira

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

Daniele Vare

Time is nature`s way of keeping everything from happening at once. Space is what prevents everything from happening to me.

John Archibald Wheeler

If voting made a difference, they would make it illegal.

Donal Scannell

The three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

Jim Guthrie

Millions long for immortality who don`t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Susan Ertz

True friends stab you in the front.

Oscar Wilde

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Agatha Christie

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way incase I die, before I finish, I know how it ends.

Nora Ephron

I wasn`t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.

Chico Marx

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we`ll be seeing six or seven.

William Claude Fields

At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

Ann Landers

The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me.

Sloan Wilson

Children aren`t happy with nothing to ignore,
And that`s what parents were created for.

Ogden Nash