Funny Quotes

If you`re playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can`t tell who the sucker is, it`s you.

Paul Newman

Experience is a good school, but the fees are high.

Heinrich Heine

I`ve got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are `hello,` `goodbye,` and `I`m pregnant`.

Dean Martin

I`ve kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

Henny Youngman

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Henny Youngman

There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from.

Charles Monroe Schulz

To face a big opportunity is sometimes a lot like starring at the knees of a giraffe.

Laurie Beth Jones

Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.

Channing Tatum

I am the author of my life. Unfortunately, I am writing in pen and can`t erase my mistakes.

Bill Kaulitz

My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.

Kanye West

If by some bizarre chance there turns out to be a god (...), I`m willing to bet he`s an atheist too.

Salman Rushdie

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn`t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Henny Youngman

Out of everything I`ve lost, I miss my mind the most!

Ozzy Osbourne

Now that I`m a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot.

Adam Sandler

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Henny Youngman