Funny Quotes


I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

Oscar Levant

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I never saw a purple cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I`d rather see than be one!

Frank Gelett Burgess


I have had my results for a long time: but I do not yet know how I am to arrive at them.

Carl Friedrich Gauss

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Fran Lebowitz

A good speech should be like a woman`s skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

Winston Churchill

People often say that motivation doesn`t last. Well, neither does bathing - that`s why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

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Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.

Christopher Hitchens

The graveyards are full of people the world could not do without.

Elbert Hubbard


There`s no such thing as a free lunch - unless you`re the lunch.

Leonard Mlodinow

If you didn`t need a vacation when you started planning one, you might by the time you are done.

Leonard Mlodinow

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Isaac Asimov

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.

Doug Larson

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Doug Larson

Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.

Doug Larson

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

Doug Larson


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