Woody Allen

In my house I`m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

My one regret in life is that I`m not someone else.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

My relationship with death remains the same. I`m strongly against it.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

I`m not anti-social. I`m just not social.

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Life doesn`t imitate art, it imitates bad television.

To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

[He] hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

God is silent, [...] now if we can only get Man to shut up.