Funny Quotes


In my house I`m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen

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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Woody Allen

Dying is a dull, dreary affair. My advice is that you have nothing whatever to with it.

William Somerset Maugham

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That`s funny..."

Isaac Asimov

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Carl Gustav Jung

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Rita Rudner

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Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness.

Charles Dickens

The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles?

John Adams

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

Oscar Wilde

To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler and less trouble.

Mark Twain

We are here on earth to do good for others. What the others are here for, I don`t know.

Wystan Hugh Auden

When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!

David Starr Jordan

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Benjamin Franklin

My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.

Charles Franklin Kettering

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

Gary Larson


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