Funny Quotes

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I didn`t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Benjamin Franklin

I`m not anti-social. I`m just not social.

Woody Allen

The secret of realizing the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment of existence is: to live dangerously! Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius!

Friedrich Nietzsche

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

Rodney Dangerfield

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If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn`t swim.

Margaret Thatcher

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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Rodney Dangerfield

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We spend the first twelve months of our children`s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller

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High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

Christopher Morley

I`m a genius but nobody knows it but me.

Charles Bukowski

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I still have my feet on the ground, I just wear better shoes.

Oprah Winfrey

Faith is a wondrous thing; it is not only capable of moving mountains, but also of making you believe that a herring is a race horse.

Arthur Koestler

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You know that passage in the Bible that says, "And the meek shall inherit the Earth"? Always wondered if that was mistranslated. Perhaps it actually says, "And the geek shall inherit the Earth.".

Neil deGrasse Tyson

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn`t make it a leg.

Abraham Lincoln

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Three o`clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Jean-Paul Sartre

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I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Oscar Wilde

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